Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
