Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
