I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
