Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
