I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
