I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
