you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
