New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
