a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
