You're my little dorito
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
