The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dignity is for republicans.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
