Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
