Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
