it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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