Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
