You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There r osticjed everywhere
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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