whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
