How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
