is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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