You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
