dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
