The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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