The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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