I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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