if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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