Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
