im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Drake has all the answers
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
