She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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