Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
