If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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