YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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