Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
