You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
