I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I pour the whiskey from now on
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
