i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
