Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
