its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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