hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
