She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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