i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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