I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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