i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
