Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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