My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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