The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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