there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
