i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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