I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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