batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
