And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
